I was looking for something or other on my hard drive last night, and came across my effort to reduce all of Shakespeare's sonnets to haiku. Why on earth would somebody do this? I couldn't tell you, and I did it. ;)
At any rate, as it may amuse you, here's the first twenty of them. It was surprisingly hard to do and not have them all sound alike.
1.
Fair things should increase,
But you're hung up on yourself.
You should share, glutton.
2.
If, when you are old,
You still don't have any kids,
That would really suck.
3.
You look like your mom;
In you she remembers youth,
You should follow suit.
4.
You waste your beauty,
Which makes you a usurer.
Quit wanking and breed!
5.
Time will wear you down,
So you should distill yourself
In some woman's womb.
6.
If you had ten kids,
You'd be ten times happier;
You're too hot to die.
7.
As the sun goes down
And nobody watches it --
That could be your fate.
8.
Why don't you like songs?
It's because they all tell you
"Single, you'll prove none."
9.
If you die alone
Your widow will be the world,
Which means you're a jerk.
10.
Clearly you can't love
Since you do not love yourself,
Or else you would breed.
11.
Even when you're old
You can still have fresh young blood
If you copy yours.
12.
When I think of time,
Sunsets, or dead violets,
I hope they're not you.
13.
Your beauty's not yours,
So prepare now for your end;
That prolongs your lease.
14.
It's not in the stars,
But your eyes, where I find truth;
Die single -- truth dies.
15.
Nothing lasts for long:
Even you're subject to Time,
Which my verse combats.
16.
Even so, you should
Make war on Time for yourself,
Authoring progeny.
17.
Who'll believe my verse?
No one, unless your child lives
To make you live twice.
18.
You are a lot like
A beautiful summer day,
But you'll last longer.
19.
Time destroys all things;
I care not -- Time, do your worst:
Verse makes my love live.
20.
You should be a girl;
Nature made you, fell in love,
And gave you a prick.
More may follow, or not. ;)
Those are amazing.